I know you can’t see me quite yet, but I can see you. No, not with my eyes, silly. I can see you with my heart.
Remarkably, your actions allow me to see who you are without even getting a glimpse of your face. From where I’m at I can hear your voice and detect the sound of your heartbeat as it races rapidly in conversations with the numerous, conflicting voices around you. I am so impressed by your strength. I’m impressed by your courage.
I know God chose you to be my birth parent. He chose you to house me in your womb, and this will assure that our connection is forever. I think it might be important for you to hear from me as you consider your adoption decision. I want you to know that while it feels like your heart is breaking, placing me for adoption could be the very act that puts your heart back together again. Let me explain.
Right now you may feel consumed with grief at the idea of not being there when I take my first step, go to my first day of kindergarten or make my first friend. You may be sad that I will call someone else mom, and you might be scared I will hold your decision to place me for adoption against you. But one day, when I’m a bit older and when my own feet have traveled through life’s challenges, I will understand.
I will understand that your love for me was so great and so selfless that you examined your life and your current situation, and you decided you wanted to give me a future you didn’t think you could provide. I will be amazed that you had the maturity to see past the pain and confusion you are feeling right now.
In the meantime, though, can you be patient with me, Mom? It may take some time for me to appreciate your decision once I’m out there in the world. It may take some time walking in my own shoes before I can understand what it was like to walk in yours. Until then, know your heart will become whole again once you realize you did exactly what the best moms do: Protect their children and give them the best future possible.
Love, Your Daughter